Why do Men Like Tits so Much?

That was the question addressed at a recent session of the Wicked Scholar’s Academic Roundtable held in the Yog-Sothoth Auditorium at Miskatonic University in Arkham Massachusetts.

On hand were a panel of noted anthropologists, biologists, and historians who presented scientific and historical theories for why men like tits so much. Though anti-porn advocates like to claim that the objectification of women is a relatively new phenomenon, Dr. Laban Shrewsbury from Miskatonic University showed, through a rousing slide presentation showing primitive artistic depictions of tits, that men have been fascinated by breasts for thousands of years. It’s not difficult to imagine early hominids, standing around on the savannah, gazing appreciatively at the mammaries of passing female australopithecines.

Noted author, Charles Dexter Ward, reviewed thousands of years of literary references to breasts, beginning with the very first written description of ta ta’s, inscribed in cuneiform on a clay tablet 5000 years ago, and discovered at the ancient city of Ur in 1959. In it, the unknown author describes his lover’s breasts as “twin volcanoes, tipped with nips like red hot lava.”

Zoologist Desmond Morris speculates that as a result of bipedalism, which hid the human female genitalia from view (unlike other primates), it was advantageous for the shape of human female breasts to evolve to become a potent erogenous zone since they were always in plain view. He argues that natural selection has created a breast shape that is far different than that required for a purely utilitarian mammary, and that is designed by nature to be stared at and fantasized about by men. In fact, he argues, men simply cannot not be obsessed with breasts.

At the end of the discussion, all of the panelists agreed that it’s perfectly normal for men to love breasts, and that their appreciation should be open, and vocal. After all, if women are willing to spend thousands of dollars to make their breasts more beautiful, men are obligated to show that we appreciate the effort.

2 thoughts on “Why do Men Like Tits so Much?

  1. You say “After all, if women are willing to spend thousands of dollars to make their breasts more beautiful, men are obligated to show that we appreciate the effort.”

    I suppose you also believe that the chicken came before the egg? ;)

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