Thanks Wicked Scholars, You Saved My Life!

What follows is the actual text of a letter we received from Clark G, from Chicago Illinois, who credits the Wicked Scholars with saving his life.

Dear Wicked Scholars,
Before I discovered your blog, I seriously did not think that I could go on living. You see, since I was a child, I have had this deathly fear of extraterrestrials. I have always been really afraid that they were going to abduct me and stick things up my ass. Truth is, every time I think about aliens, I shit myself.

I don’t even believe in them, but if I think about them I lose control of my bowels. It’s really embarrassing. Last week, I was sitting in a Starbucks having a coffee. A guy walked by and I thought to myself  “hey, that guy looks kind of like an alien.” All of a sudden, I shit my pants. People sitting around me started wrinkling their noses up and looking around, whispering to each other “did you shit yourself?” “No, it wasn’t me, I thought it was you” and stuff like that. Anyhow, I had to get the hell out of there before it soaked through my pants.

I’m going to start to wear Attends whenever I leave the house now because I never know when I am going to see a picture of an alien. For example, I was walking downtown last week and I saw a parked VW van with an Alien Workshop sticker in the back window. I shit my pants when I saw it.

Anyhow, now that I’ve discovered your website and read some of your hilarious accounts of your investigations of abductions and ufo’s, I’m not scared of aliens anymore. I still shit myself when I think about them, but then I start to laugh and I know I’m okay.

Thanks a lot guys, you’re the best!